Top Three Things that I Taught My Daughters That’ll Probably Get Us a Seat On Dr. Phil’s Couch One Day.

31 Jan

There are a few things that I taught my girls when they were younger that I’m pretty sure will land us a spot on Dr. Phil or Oprah, or  worst case scenario, Jerry Springer.  So, in an attempt to gain some future audience leniency, or maybe perform a well timed preemptive strike, I decided to come clean and share the top three. I am not proud of these acts (sniff…sniff)…and…and…and I hope to do whatever I can to atone for them…(Sniffle..sniff…sniff…eye wipe).   Here they are in no particular order (and with a bit of backstory).

1) Lightning bugs–  I convinced them that they could “call” lightning bugs by running around yelling “ Biddi….biddi….biddi” at the top of their lungs.  For the uninitiated, “biddi…biddi…biddi…” was the sound that Twiki (the lil robot) used to make on the old Buck Rogers T.V. show.  I know it was wrong, I really do…but it was  sooooo funny.  I swear, I WANTED to stop…but I just couldn’t help myself.  Besides, one day, I’ll tell them that they were quoting the lil’ guy below, we’ll all just have a good laugh and all will be well with the world………Right?


2) Cotton candy – I told them that cotton candy came from the dryer filter. They said that it didn’t make sense…and I told them to look at the label on their clothes.  It went something like this.

“What does it say?”, I’d ask.
“Cotton” they’d answer….(You could SEE the wheels starting to turn).
“I’d follow up with, “…….and what is that other stuff called?”
“….cotton………CANDY!!!”  they said. ( GOT’em!!!)

When the inevitable question of  why the stuff from the dryer  wasn’t sweet came up, I told them that it was because it “hadn’t been processed yet ” and that the sweetness came from washing it in industrial strength sugar water.  We just didn’t have the equipment at home to do it.  (Geez…this is making me look REALLY bad ain’t it?)

3)  Traffic Lights – I told them that traffic lights work because there was a little man with a clock in each light.  He would  time each color and made sure that he changed them to a certain color after a period of time.  When they asked me why they didn’t ever see them…..I adeptly avoided the question with another question:  ” You ever see a leprechaun?”

Feel free to go ahead and call Dr. Phil………………I think I may need help.


Posted by on January 31, 2013 in Uncategorized


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7 responses to “Top Three Things that I Taught My Daughters That’ll Probably Get Us a Seat On Dr. Phil’s Couch One Day.

  1. denise jihnson

    January 31, 2013 at 6:24 pm

    Surely u do. Lol

  2. Serena Holmes

    February 2, 2013 at 9:13 pm

    The cotton candy one?? Oooooh! Clever but wrong, wrong, all DAY wrong! 🙂 Gotta luv the creativity tho’.

  3. Bev Porter

    February 4, 2013 at 3:35 pm

    I think I should call Social Services instead of Dr. Phil. Too funny!

  4. Gil

    February 7, 2013 at 6:43 pm

    Very creative and good fatherly advice. I think I will put it to use. 🙂

  5. Prassedes williams

    February 8, 2013 at 2:29 pm

    I love it !!!! They funny part is Darrick does the same thing to London.

    • Sharon McDuffie

      February 9, 2013 at 4:24 pm

      Prassedes the corruption is family deep, I see it has gotten the younger generation as well.

  6. Tiaundra M

    February 27, 2013 at 3:01 am

    -___________- the cotton candy one still has me upset dad………………..


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