There are a few things that I taught my girls when they were younger that I’m pretty sure will land us a spot on Dr. Phil or Oprah, or worst case scenario, Jerry Springer. So, in an attempt to gain some future audience leniency, or maybe perform a well timed preemptive strike, I decided to come clean and share the top three. I am not proud of these acts (sniff…sniff)…and…and…and I hope to do whatever I can to atone for them…(Sniffle..sniff…sniff…eye wipe). Here they are in no particular order (and with a bit of backstory).
1) Lightning bugs– I convinced them that they could “call” lightning bugs by running around yelling “ Biddi….biddi….biddi” at the top of their lungs. For the uninitiated, “biddi…biddi…biddi…” was the sound that Twiki (the lil robot) used to make on the old Buck Rogers T.V. show. I know it was wrong, I really do…but it was sooooo funny. I swear, I WANTED to stop…but I just couldn’t help myself. Besides, one day, I’ll tell them that they were quoting the lil’ guy below, we’ll all just have a good laugh and all will be well with the world………Right?
2) Cotton candy – I told them that cotton candy came from the dryer filter. They said that it didn’t make sense…and I told them to look at the label on their clothes. It went something like this.
“What does it say?”, I’d ask.
“Cotton” they’d answer….(You could SEE the wheels starting to turn).
“I’d follow up with, “…….and what is that other stuff called?”
“….cotton………CANDY!!!” they said. ( GOT’em!!!)
When the inevitable question of why the stuff from the dryer wasn’t sweet came up, I told them that it was because it “hadn’t been processed yet ” and that the sweetness came from washing it in industrial strength sugar water. We just didn’t have the equipment at home to do it. (Geez…this is making me look REALLY bad ain’t it?)
3) Traffic Lights – I told them that traffic lights work because there was a little man with a clock in each light. He would time each color and made sure that he changed them to a certain color after a period of time. When they asked me why they didn’t ever see them…..I adeptly avoided the question with another question: ” You ever see a leprechaun?”
Feel free to go ahead and call Dr. Phil………………I think I may need help.