If only I knew THEN……

05 Jun

Photo 3

(This post gets the “Fat Ethan Five Food Covered Fingers” rating)

Disclaimer:  Okay, I’m gonna say  this SIMPLY to rain on the parade of any of my siblings, before  they try to rat me out on it.  (My family seems to have a thing for blackmail material.)   So, I’ll go ahead and say it….I’m a REALLY lovey, huggy, kissy,  sensitive type.  Okay, there…I said it.  PREEMPTIVE STRIKE!!!    KABAM!!!!

(Don’t get me wrong though… I mean, I AM a tough guy…like….I luv bear /arm  rasslin’  (not to be confused with bare arm or bear arm rasslin’…THAT’S just dumb…) , and ummmm… roadin’,   and ummmmm… staff fightin’  and like ummm….hunting with wolves aand stuff s much as the next guy….For real… Seriously….Yeah, that’s GANGSTA, right?)

ANYWAY, (new word alert…new word alert…) I had an EPIPHANY ( told ya!)  just yesterday.  Now, don’t tell anybody else this because it’s a secret and it’s just between us….since we’re family.  Okay?  Now lean in real close… ready?  Okay…Here it is:  The years go by really fast.   (Hey, I never said that I was the smartest guy in the room.)

Looking back on it, it seems like just yesterday that I would tip toe into my daughters’ rooms at night just to kiss them on the forehead and say a quick silent prayer for a good day while they slept.   It seems like not so long ago that I bought them pillows to sit on in the car so they could see out the window or when I was teaching them Eric B. and Rakim songs in the car on the way to their Granny’s house.  (They both still know the lyrics to Microphone Fiend, btw…and have an almost encyclopedic knowledge of old school hip hop)

Anyway, the funny thing about time is that you don’t really know to savor it while you’re in it.  We spend so much time going from moment to moment, that we often forget the joy OF the moment.  I was reminded of this from a conversation that I had with Tee.  It went something like this….(Cue flashback music…..doddle loodle loo…doodle loodle loo…doodle loodle loo….)

Tee: Hey Dad, I took a picture of that cupcake that you bought me the other day and put it on Instagram.  I tell my friends all the time about how close we are…and how you’re  my best friend, Dad.

Me:  I ain’t your friend, Tee….I ain’t your pal, I ain’t your buddy,I ain’t your com padre… (Said in the GRUMPIEST voice I could find to cover up my obvious joy)

Tee:  You should appreciate it,  Dad.  A lot of kids my age (21) don’t even LIKE their parents…I still like you… I still want to hold your hand….

Right then it hit me….like a ton of bricks….One day WILL be the LAST day that I ever get to hold my daughters’ hands….It’s inevitable…everything ends eventually…  One day, if Sharon and I were successful in raising them, and they don’t decide to stay in our house forever, they’ll move out, have families of their own, become successful and have to put their energies into putting into practice everything that we’ve taught them over the years.  I’ll see them less and less, talk to them less and less, and eventually not get to hold their hands anymore….

I say all of that to say this…It’s really important that we Daddies  take every opportunity that we can get to savor life with our daughters……..and guess what?  It’s okay to be silly to do it.  Sometimes, it might take screaming Eric B and Rakim lyrics at the top of your lungs while riding down I-40 at 85…I mean 65 miles per hour with the windows down….Sometimes, it might take listening to Brittney Spears for an hour and a half (THANKS, KEE!) But sometimes, SOMETIMES, in the quieter moments, it  might just be a matter of a kiss on the forehead..  No matter what it is,  it’s important that we create as many of those moments as possible and that when we ARE blessed with them, that we live in them,  fellas…because one day will be the last time we get to hold our daughter’s hands.

Tee and Kee today

Tee and Kee today- Guess which one was the “bad” one…lol


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13 responses to “If only I knew THEN……

  1. Prassedes williams

    June 5, 2013 at 6:19 pm

    Aww uncle you made me cry this is why I love you!!!! uncle You an awesome daddy, uncle and best friend a girl can ask for thanks for being a part of our life. Thanks for great advice and for always there.

    • Ty McDuffie

      June 6, 2013 at 8:49 am

      I can’t vouch for the QUALITY of any advice I give, but it’s always here for ya! Luv ya!

  2. Daddy Daughter Time

    June 5, 2013 at 8:58 pm

    Passionately written and very, very true. Thanks for the good read.

  3. challengeyourfamily

    June 5, 2013 at 11:03 pm

    There’s nothing in this world quite like being a daddy. What a privilege! Keep changing the world 🙂

  4. Denise

    June 6, 2013 at 9:27 am

    This is so true. I tell people all the time to cherish the time that they have, because the children will not always be children.

    • Ty McDuffie

      June 6, 2013 at 9:50 am

      Exactly…It’s so easy to get caught up in the day to day, that we forget all of the beautiful things that the world shows us every day.

  5. CJ

    June 6, 2013 at 5:49 pm

    They r so beautiful

  6. David Council

    June 24, 2013 at 2:53 pm

    I got to stop readin’ stuff like this Ty, because, (shhhhh… i am a softie too) especially where my daughter Bree is concerned. Just the other night while grillin’ out, she started talking to me about “drama” at school and with friends and decision making….. and …I was like, she just turned 7! I all ready got to provide sage advice, at 7, I might not have enough to last! And realized that she is going to grow up and I can’t stop it!!!

    • Ty McDuffie

      June 24, 2013 at 3:00 pm

      Nope…There’s nothing you can do but try to remember every moment, dear friend. Here’s a not from someone that’s been thru it….WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN! You’ll really want to hold onto all of the memories that you can. I can’t BEGIN to tell you how many memories are lost because I didn’t note them as I was going through them. NOTHING is too trivial, man.


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