Ok…So after sharing the introduction for one of my characters from one of the OTHER books that I’m working on, I got a lot of requests for a little more of it…so I decided to share another intro. (I think I’m SLOWLY gaining confidence in my writing and am becoming more open to sharing. So THANK YOU to all of you that offered some encouragement….It is GREATLY appreciated.)
Anyway, as I mentioned last time I shared from this particular book, it’s kind of (ok….very) dark. So be forewarned…it ain’t my usual happy go lucky writing style….
The first chapter introduces several of the characters that play major roles in the book. (I have to be honest with ya…even though it’s kind of dark, the concept is really cool)
First there is dreaming….
…sun filled dreams; wrapped in smiles granted by a high school sweetheart mixed with an awkward first kiss from some crush of a million years ago. This is where Trey found himself; sleeping a sleep so restful that he was subconsciously secure in the fact that when he’d wake up, no one would believe just how good his sleep was.
Then there is pain…
The pain is a white hot, fist clenching, teeth grinding sort of pain that snatches Trey out of his fluffy, pillow clouded dream with a start and flings him headlong into his new nightmarish, flashing neon washed reality. In this new found reality, there’s a man leaning over him from his bedside, slowly forcing a ten inch serrated utility knife through the bones of his chest. Trey can hear the sickening sound of the bones giving way with a muffled crunch as the knife bullies its way through; guided by the hands and weight of its sick, demented driver.
Sweat drips off the man’s forehead and falls to Trey’s face in thick, hot splashes. A few of them meander their way into his eyes; burning as they mix with his own tears as they force their way out. His assailant becomes fuzzy…
Trey lashes out; letting his hands flay wildly at his attacker; groping for any semblance of a defense against him. His attempts fall short as his hands can do little more than claw at his attackers clothes. His attacker is bigger than him….stronger than him and the blood squirting from Trey’s chest is taking what little strength that he had with it; oozing away, ounce by sticky, red ounce.
In the midst of this, Trey suddenly realizes that these are his dying moments. His nostrils begin to burn with the inevitability of his own death mingled with the smell of his own hot urine as it begins to escape him.
Trey tries to force sound through his throat; to scream for help… to spit a curse of eternal damnation to the worst pits of Hell for this maniac, but speech is no longer his friend, and the words won’t visit his lips. The intruder’s knife tickles Trey’s spine from the inside and his heart is seemingly forced to pump blood everywhere except to his muscles; his throat included.
His mind’s screams for help become translated into the sounds of chokes and gargling as his own blood betrays him; flooding his throat with warm, sticky death.. His will to fight begins to fade as the fog in his mind simultaneously begins to spread. Not even the fresh screams from his daughter’s room down the hall can stop it.
Finally there is darkness……………….
February 5, 2014 at 1:25 pm
The look on my face as I read this cannot be described. That being said, the look on my face and the appreciation I have for what you wrote do not match. 😀
I don’t do short stories because I would like to be dark. I don’t have it in me (I’ve tried). Nor am I mysterious or suspense-thriller. I am fluffy, light, and sometimes funny – always girly…and there is more than enough of those like me out there.
I have a cousin who writes from a ridiculously twisted and sometimes scary perspective, and I love it. Kudos to you!
February 5, 2014 at 2:40 pm
Wow…thank you so much.
I’ve ALWAYS loved to write, ever since elementary school…but I always thought that I wasn’t good enough at it, that my words were too “flowery”, that I was overly descriptive…that I simply couldn’t write anything worth sharing.
BUT, with encouragement from people like you, I’m starting to embrace my gift a lot more. I’m learning to appreciate what I do and to give it value. I’m learning to accept compliments for what they are and to not say, “Ok….are they just trying to be nice?” every time someone decides to give me kudos. (btw…I REALLY do ask that question every time I’m complimented….but I’m getting better at accepting them.)
Anyway, not to bore you to death, but I want you to UNDERSTAND that I KNOW there are lots of things on Al Gore’s internet for you to read, and the fact that you or anyone else for that matter, would take their valuable time to read my psycho-babble means a lot to me and does not go unnoticed or unappreciated. I’m so thankful that you value what I write enough to spend a few minutes reading it.
I appreciate YOU.
February 5, 2014 at 3:12 pm
Ty, I have been an editor for almost 20 years… If you want, one day I can give you some serious constructive feedback on a piece. I really like your writing style.
February 5, 2014 at 3:18 pm
…………why am I afraid????? LOL
February 5, 2014 at 3:19 pm
You have every right to be. I’m brutal. 😀
But I make better writers.
February 5, 2014 at 3:49 pm
Ok…I ain’t “SCURRED”. Give me some time to figure out what I want to send to the slaughter.
February 5, 2014 at 3:50 pm
Famous last words… 😀
February 5, 2014 at 4:02 pm
Ain’t much for confidence buildin’ are ya?………..LOL!
I’m up for it.
February 5, 2014 at 3:26 pm
WOW, that is one powerful piece of writing. I think I need to go for a walk now to shake of that dreadful feeling I now have.
February 5, 2014 at 3:48 pm
PERFECT! That’s just the feeling that I was going for!
February 5, 2014 at 4:27 pm
Joanne is right that you could use an editor–BUT that should not discourage you, because everyones’ writing benefits from a good editor! The story itself is riveting–my first thought was that he was in surgery and the anesthesia hadn’t taken…but I need to read more to know!
February 6, 2014 at 11:50 am
Thanks for the input! As always, I appreciate it. I’m starting to learn that if I TRULY want to take this writing thing seriously, that first, I’m going to have to share what I write and secondly, I’m going to have to ]trust people that are better than it at me. (BTW….OOOOOOOOO…interesting take on Tre’s story, but between me, you and the fence post…………..it’s a drug hit and they kill his daughter and leave him for dead. Here’s a little more insight into the overall theme of the book: Half of the characters from the introductory chapter go into comas. Then months later, they, and many, many others in comas all over the world, just suddenly wake up; all at the same time, and somehow, they’re different than before. That’s the direction of the overall story…with some supernatural twists thrown in to make it REALLY cool.) Whaddya think?
February 6, 2014 at 12:06 pm
Keep on writing. It is interesting to read. More interesting to imagine what might have happened in the story, without knowing the background of the character
February 6, 2014 at 12:22 pm
Thank you! I think you’re right and that’s kind of how I like to write, I like to pull the reader in as much as possible as fast as possible first, then kind of slowly leak stuff out later. I also like to so something that I learned from reading Terry Brooks’ books. He ALWAYS sends his main characters out on different “missions” totally separate of each other. Then as each character gets to their particular climax…he flashes back to one of the other groups as they are just starting out. He constantly leaves cliffhangers and every time that he does it…I both HATE him for doing it and love him for making it such an interesting read.
But for MY stuff, here is a itty bitty bit more that leaks out about Tre in a later chapter. He was a drug dealer that tried to get out of dealing drugs by double crossing his boss, using the money to buy 3 plane tickets, and moving he and his family to a small town in NC. Years later, they track him down. ( I kind of like to jump back and forth in time, too.)
February 6, 2014 at 12:21 pm
Kudos to you for deciding to share, it WILL help you grow in the areas that you need/want to! This is a big difference from what I’ve seen in the past, what has inspired you to take the dive into supernatural/suspense writing?
Growing up I always had an interest in writing but never discovered it was a passion until I began blogging (I write a sales blog and a separate personal blog with short stories and poetry). Now that I am delving into true authorship, I realize that sharing is one of the most important things that you can do…with the “right people”, so I’ve found different people for different things and eventually will hook up with a great editor. Joanne is right that you should engage one as well, your concepts are there and your direction is obvious so it can only help!
February 6, 2014 at 1:02 pm
HI! Thanks for your comments, compliments and question. In all honesty, I have always kind of dabbled in all kinds of writing. It kind of depends on whenever the spirit hits me. (Ha…I like that saying). So I have all kinds of stuff all over my house that I have written. I have written a lot of poetry. I like to write speeches (Weird, huh?)
I think that if I was to describe my favorite STYLE of writing, I would have to say that my favorite is to come off as very conversational. This is what you typically see on the blog. In it, I like to write like I think, kind of like if we were just sitting at a table talking over coffee; like old friends. However, I like to practice different styles because it helps me to avoid writer’s block. When I get to a point that I can’t write one way, I switch to some other project and write in another style or genre. I know that that may not be the accepted practice, but it works for me.
But, for the most part, I like to write ANYTHING. Heck, when I was in college, I even used to sell love letters to the fellas to give to their girlfriends. I even have another book that I want to work on one day soon called “Time Wears Bunny Suits?!?!” that attempts to create a mythology built around the personification of Time as one of God’s disgruntled employees. Lol. It’s pretty cool though…and funny.
So, anyway, the darker stuff was always there, I just never shared it and then someone asked me to let them read some of my other writing and I figured, “What the heck? If they laugh at me too much…I’ll just delete the thing!”
But I think, the reason that you’re seeing some of it leak out here is a combination of simple laziness and impatience. I was too lazy to do a separate blog for a while and at the same time, I was too impatient to wait until I got over my laziness to wait for me to do it. So, I got tired of being mad at myself for not showing more gumption and I decided to just share it here. Confused yet?
ANYWAY, thank you so much for reading my writing. Never think that it’s not appreciated, because it truly is. And good luck on YOUR writing journey. I’ll be watching and reading.
February 6, 2014 at 2:17 pm
Thanks for responding!
I find myself in the same space with my writing, tons of concepts and not enough time. I typically begin the process of writing a specific book, blog piece, or poem when the mood for that concept strikes me as relevant.
Good luck on your journey, I too will be paying attention!