“It’s been a long time…I shouldn’t have left you……” (Sorry….I was having an Eric B. and Rakim moment…it happens.)
I know it’s been a while since I’ve written anything for you guys, and I hope that you hadn’t given up on me. I promise my writing from now on out will be so cool that you’ll be glad you stuck around through the intermission. Scout’s honor, homie. That said, I still feel as though I owe you an explanation. So here goes.
When I first started writing this blog/book, I promised myself that I would always bring it from the SOUL; that I wouldn’t hold anything back from you. It was (is) my belief that I’m not the only one that goes through the things that I find myself in and that I could (can) benefit others by sharing my stories. I wanted to share my failures as well as my successes; my faults and my strengths; my happiness as well as sadness. The goal was to deliver all of that; all wrapped up in the ideals of good fatherhood. Yup….that was what I was reaching for. Ultimately, I wanted to help.
But sometimes, when you find yourself in a dark place, it’s hard to think about helping anybody else through their dark places. Call it selfish, but would find myself with JUST enough energy to push myself through my days sometimes, much less put something into writing to try to help someone else. So, I found myself writing from a meaningless, kind of soulless place. It was becoming mechanical, and I felt like I was writing more for people to like what I was saying than I was to help people by saying it. ( I hope that makes more sense to you than it did to me when I just wrote it….) I never STOPPED writing, but I just stopped SHARING it….because I wasn’t being honest with myself or with you. Long story short is that I have about 30 entries that will never see the light of day because I don’t feel that they meet my standards and I refuse to compromise. I think that each and every one of you that encouraged me as I was going thru this dark period deserve much more than that….and I aim to give it to you.
Sometimes, in order to see the beauty of the world, you have to refocus your binoculars.